Talking to the other parent
I'd like our child to know both our families and both our traditions. When they're with me I'll pray and teach a little Quran. Can we agree how we talk about religion so they never feel caught in the middle?
راهنمای کاربردی
Children and family life
Awaiting scholar review
Becoming Muslim changes family life in ways people rarely talk about. This guide starts with your children and ends with your own parents as they grow older. Take it one piece at a time.
از اینجا شروع کنید
- Teach by example and with mercy. Never use religion to pressure a child.
- If you are separated, get legal advice before you change a child's school, name or religious routine.
- In Ontario, you can ask each school year for your child to be exempted from sexual health lessons in Grades 1 to 8.
- Caring for parents who are not Muslim is part of your faith.
When the other parent is not Muslim
The Quran asks believers to protect themselves and their families (66:6). With a co-parent who is not Muslim, a SeekersGuidance teacher (2025) advises talking openly with the other parent, praying and practising during your time with the child, arranging a Quran teacher, keeping Islamic manners with mercy, and making dua.
Your children keep their relationship with the other parent and with their grandparents. Islam asks you to keep family ties, not cut them. It helps no one to tell a child that a parent is going to Hell.
What Canadian law looks at
This is general information, not legal advice.
When married parents separate and go to court, the Divorce Act says only the child's best interests count, and the child's physical, emotional and psychological safety comes first (section 16). The court also weighs the child's views, with due weight for their age and maturity, and the child's cultural, linguistic, religious and spiritual upbringing and heritage. Justice Canada explains that religion can give a child an added support, and that a parent's ability to keep the child's link to their religious heritage may matter.
Since 2021, the law speaks of parenting arrangements and decision-making responsibility instead of custody and access. Decisions about religion can be part of a parenting plan. If you never married, other provincial rules apply, so ask a lawyer.
The classical Islamic custody rules, set out for example in AMJA's Family Code (articles 206 to 211), are not what a Canadian court applies.
- If you are separated, talk to a family lawyer before you change a child's school, name or religious practice.
- Keep a calm, written record of what you and the other parent agree.
- In Ontario, Legal Aid Ontario helps people who qualify with parenting matters: 1-800-668-8258.
Telling your children
Keep it short and warm. Tell them what stays the same: you love them, you are still their parent, and family routines carry on. Let them ask questions and answer at their level. Do not ask them to choose between you and the other parent.
School
Many school events can be joined with family ties and kindness in mind, without taking part in another religion's worship. The holidays and family occasions guide explains where scholars differ. Talk to the teacher early about concerts, class parties and food.
In Ontario, parents can ask for their child to be exempted from the Human Development and Sexual Health expectations in Grades 1 to 8 (Policy/Program Memorandum 162). Schools must tell parents at least 20 school days before those lessons, and the standard form is used every school year. Other provinces have their own rules. This is general information, not legal advice.
- Read your school board's exemption form each September.
- Do not pull your children out of everything at once. Talk to the teacher first.
Weekend school and teenagers
Many masjids run a weekend school or youth programme. In the masjid finder, choose the Weekend school filter to see masjids that list one, and call ahead, because programmes change.
With teenagers, invite and do not force. Expect them to take on practices over time, not all at once. Keep talking with them, and let them bring their own questions to a teacher they trust.
When your parents grow older
The Quran asks for kindness to parents in old age: not even a word of impatience, humility out of mercy, and a prayer that God have mercy on them (17:23 to 24). This holds for parents who are not Muslim too (31:15). A SeekersGuidance teacher (2017) told a woman that she must look after her non-Muslim mother and keep family ties, and advised setting aside money each month from her own earnings as charity (sadaqah) and visiting every week.
Their religion is theirs, and you do not join their worship. Scholars distinguish directly helping with a religious rite, which is not allowed, from indirect help, which is not sinful. A SeekersGuidance teacher (2021) gives holding a baby for a baptism as an example of the first, and telling someone where a church is as an example of the second. On driving a parent to church, a Hanafi mufti (Darul Uloom Trinidad and Tobago) says it is better not to be the means, but it is not sinful when the parent has no one else. Scholars differ on this, so ask a qualified teacher about the requests you expect before they come up.
In a care home or hospital, let their own clergy visit. Your presence and your care matter. When a parent who is not Muslim dies, a scholar can guide you through the questions about the funeral and about prayer, and the holidays and family occasions guide covers attending a funeral.
- Plan care with your brothers and sisters early.
- Ask an imam about specific requests before they arise.
- Do not refuse all help in a way that leaves a frail parent alone.
جملههایی که میتوانید بگویید
Asking the school
My child is Muslim. Could you let me know ahead of time about class parties, concerts and the health lessons, so we can plan together?
Offering help to a parent
I'm here for you. I can take you to your appointments and help with the shopping every week.
موقعیتهای رایج
Do not act alone. Talk to a family lawyer about decision-making responsibility, and to a qualified teacher about your own part in it.
Stay close and keep the door open. Invite, do not force, keep praying yourself, and let them ask a teacher they trust.
Scholars differ on this. A Hanafi mufti says it is not sinful when she has no one else, though better avoided. Ask a qualified teacher, and keep caring for her either way.
قدم بعدی
چه وقت از فردی واجد شرایط بپرسید
این راهنما آموزش عمومی است. اگر پرسش شما به ایمنی، ازدواج، فشار خانوادگی، حقوقتان در محل کار یا مدرسه، سلامت روان، مسائل مالی یا حکم دینی شخصی مربوط است، با یک امام، عالم، درمانگر، متخصص حقوقی یا سرویس ایمنی واجد شرایط در محل خود صحبت کنید.
منابع استفادهشده
این منابع پشتوانه چارچوب کلی این راهنما هستند. جای مشورت شخصی با فردی واجد شرایط در محل شما را نمیگیرند.
- Quran 66:6: Protect yourselves and your familiesQuran source
Quran.com - Quran text and translation reference
Supports: believers are told to protect themselves and their families from a Fire. The English wording is a translation of the meaning, checked against The Clear Quran (Dr. Mustafa Khattab).
SeekersGuidance - Scholar answer
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad, checked by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick, 26 January 2025. Supports: keep talking with the co-parent, pray and practise during your time with the child, arrange a Quran teacher, keep Islamic manners with mercy, and make dua.
SeekersGuidance - پاسخ عالم
پشتوانه وجوب حفظ پیوند و کم کردن ارتباط برای محافظت است.
- Divorce Act, section 16: best interests of the childPublic rights source
Government of Canada, Justice Laws Website - Federal statute
Current to 3 September 2026. Supports: only the child's best interests are considered; primary consideration goes to the child's physical, emotional and psychological safety; factors include the child's views, given due weight for age and maturity (s. 16(3)(e)), and the child's cultural, linguistic, religious and spiritual upbringing and heritage (s. 16(3)(f)).
- Best interests of the child: the Divorce Act changes explainedPublic rights source
Department of Justice Canada - Official federal information
Page modified 17 May 2024. Supports: religion may give a child an added support system, and a parent's ability to keep the child's link to their religious heritage may matter; the weight depends on the child.
- Divorce and separationPublic rights source
Department of Justice Canada - Official federal information
Page modified 18 March 2025. Supports: a divorce is granted by a court; since 1 March 2021 the Divorce Act speaks of parenting arrangements and decision-making responsibility instead of custody and access; some family laws are federal and others provincial or territorial.
- Family legal issuesPublic rights source
Legal Aid Ontario - Legal aid service information
Supports: Legal Aid Ontario helps people who qualify financially with decision-making responsibility, parenting time, support, child protection and domestic violence restraining orders; advice lawyers at Family Law Information Centres give up to 20 minutes of free general advice; call 1-800-668-8258, Monday to Friday, 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. (ET).
Assembly of Muslim Jurists of America (AMJA) - Fatwa body code
Prepared by Dr. Salah al-Sawy and reviewed at AMJA's 8th annual conference (March 2012). Follows the majority (non-Hanafi) positions, so it is cited as AMJA's code, not as consensus. Cited for: offer and acceptance (arts. 26 to 27); a marriage without a wali is not annulled though redoing it is preferred (art. 18); for a new Muslim woman with no Muslim paternal relatives, an arbitrator or a person appointed by the community and licensed by the state acts, or a man she delegates (art. 19); document the marriage and follow local law (art. 31); a wife who converts while her husband does not (art. 42); no minimum mahr (art. 47); two Muslim male witnesses (art. 55); a civil divorce ends only the civil contract unless the husband willingly signs (art. 129); khul' (art. 143); custody (arts. 206 to 211).
- Policy/Program Memorandum 162: exemption from instruction related to human development and sexual healthPublic rights source
Ontario Ministry of Education - Official provincial policy
Issued 21 August 2019. Supports, for Ontario: school boards must allow parents to request an exemption for their child from the Grades 1 to 8 Human Development and Sexual Health expectations; parents are told at least 20 school days before that instruction; a standard exemption form is used every school year.
Quran.com - Quran text and translation reference
Supports: honour parents, especially in old age; do not say even a word of impatience; lower the wing of humility out of mercy and pray for mercy on them. The English wording is a translation of the meaning, checked against The Clear Quran (Dr. Mustafa Khattab).
Quran.com - مرجع متن و ترجمه قرآن
به آن استناد شده برای: با پدر و مادر به نیکی همنشینی کنید. عبارت فارسی ترجمه معناست و با The Clear Quran سنجیده شده است.
SeekersGuidance - Scholar answer
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil, checked by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani, 21 February 2017. Supports: she is obligated to look after her mother and keep family ties; she is advised to set aside money each month from her own earnings as charity (sadaqah) and to visit weekly. It states no fiqh ruling that financial support of a non-Muslim parent is obligatory.
SeekersGuidance - Scholar answer
Ustadh Farid Dingle, checked by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani, 21 February 2021. Supports: directly facilitating another religion's rites is not permissible (examples: holding a baby for baptism, charity to a temple); indirect help, such as telling someone where a church is, is not sinful.
- Transporting non Muslim parents to churchScholar answer
Darul Uloom Trinidad and Tobago (on IslamQA.org) - Scholar answer
Mufti Waseem Khan, Hanafi, undated. Supports: it is better not to be the means of taking a parent to church, but it is not sinful when the parent has no one else to take them.