Asking for a mentor
I became Muslim recently and I would like a mentor. I would prefer someone who is a [man or woman], speaks [language], and lives near [city].
Practical guide
How mentoring works and our conduct standards
A mentor is a volunteer who helps you with the basics and keeps you company through the first months. This page sets out how we choose mentors, what they promise, and what to do if something goes wrong. It does not name anyone. The standards follow published benchmarks from MENTOR and Volunteer Canada, adapted for adult volunteers.
Start here
- Every mentor applies in writing, gives two references, has an interview, and is checked with the masjid they belong to.
- Mentors sign a code of conduct: no marriage proposals, no money, no recruiting, and your story stays private.
- You are matched with a mentor of the same gender by default, and you can say no to any match.
- If a mentor breaks the rules, you report it to the coordinators, never to the mentor.
How mentors are vetted
Nobody is matched with a new Muslim until they have finished every one of these steps.
- A written application.
- Two references, and we contact both of them.
- An interview with a coordinator, in person or by video.
- A check with the masjid or Islamic organisation the applicant belongs to.
The code of conduct mentors sign
Every mentor signs this before a match. If a mentor breaks it, the coordinators end the match.
- No marriage proposals, no matchmaking and no romantic contact.
- No asking for money, lending money, selling anything or asking you to donate.
- No recruiting you into any group, movement, business or paid course.
- Your conversion, name, photo and story stay private unless you clearly say otherwise. Mentors do not add you to groups without asking.
- Contact stays in the channels and at the times you both agreed. A mentor does not demand constant updates or keep tabs on your private life.
- Personal religious rulings go to a qualified imam. Mentors help with the basics and refer the rest.
- Men mentor men and women mentor women by default.
Training before the first match
Every mentor completes at least two hours of training before they are matched. It covers the code of conduct, boundaries, privacy, when to refer someone to an imam or a professional, and how to report a concern.
- A Guide to New Muslim Mentoring, a recorded course published by Islamwise on YouTube. The playlist is linked in the sources below.
- Our own Guide for mentors of new Muslims, which covers the first meeting, what to leave out, boundaries and where to refer.
How matching works
A coordinator reads your request and looks for a mentor who shares your gender, speaks your language, is in your time zone, and ideally lives near you. Before anyone's contact details are shared, the coordinator tells you about the proposed mentor, and you can say no.
You and your mentor then agree in writing how often you will talk, which channel you will use, what the mentoring covers, and who to contact with a concern.
Check-ins
A coordinator checks in with you, not only with your mentor. The first check-in comes after your first conversation, then at least once a month for the first months. That is a good moment to mention anything that is bothering you, however small.
Meeting in person
- Meet in a public place. A masjid during open hours is best.
- Another adult is present as well as your mentor.
- No home visits, and no meetings in cars.
Reporting a concern
If your mentor asks for money, proposes marriage, pushes you towards a group, shares your story, or makes you uncomfortable in any way, tell the coordinators. The report address is on the Get help page. Your report goes to the coordinators, not to your mentor. If you are in danger, call 911.
What the team is still deciding
Two points are not settled yet. Until they are, every standard above still applies in full.
- Police checks. A police service has to advise whether mentoring adult converts qualifies for a Vulnerable Sector Check. The team will ask and publish the answer. Whatever it is, the application, references, interview and masjid check still apply.
- Who approves mentors. The team has not yet named the role that gives final approval. Until it does, nobody is matched without every vetting step completed.
Things you can say
Saying no to a match
Thank you for finding someone. I don't think this match is right for me. Could you look for someone else?
Reporting a concern
I want to report something about my mentor. It happened on [date]. This is what they said or did: [short description].
Common situations
That breaks the code of conduct. You do not have to answer. Tell the coordinators and they will step in.
Say no, and report it. A mentor never asks for money. If you already sent money, you can also report it to the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre.
Suggest the masjid instead. Home visits are not allowed, and you can tell the coordinators it came up.
Where to go next
When to ask someone qualified
This guide is general education. If the question touches safety, marriage, family pressure, your rights at work or school, mental health, money, or a personal religious ruling, speak with a qualified local imam, scholar, clinician, legal professional, or safety service.
Sources used
These sources back the general framing of this guide. They do not replace personal advice from someone qualified and local to you.
MENTOR: The National Mentoring Partnership - Mentoring program standard
Fifth Edition. Screening benchmarks: a formal application, a face-to-face interview, at least two references and a formal commitment to program rules. Written for US youth programs, so used here as a benchmark to adapt, not a legal standard.
- ScreeningProgram benchmark
Volunteer Canada - Volunteer screening guidance
Describes screening as ten ongoing steps, from assessing the position to follow-up, and says screening is much more than a police record check.
- The Screening Handbook, 2012 EditionProgram benchmark
Volunteer Canada - Volunteer screening guidance
Covers reference checks with more than one reference, what makes a position of trust, and safeguards such as a signed confidentiality agreement. The 2012 edition predates later law changes.
MENTOR: The National Mentoring Partnership - Mentoring program standard
Fifth Edition. Sets pre-match training at a minimum of two hours, covering rules, ethics, safety, reporting and boundaries. Supports the two-hour training minimum.
Islamwise (YouTube channel youtube.com/@Islamwise) - Mentor training course
24 recorded sessions of a course held in October 2022, hosted by Zubair Adamjee, covering mentor roles, protecting yourself, common obstacles and check-ins. YouTube Standard License, so it is linked, not copied.
MENTOR: The National Mentoring Partnership - Mentoring program standard
Fifth Edition. Covers matching on shared background, interests and meeting times, telling participants about a proposed match before first contact, and a signed match agreement on frequency, goals and communication.
MENTOR: The National Mentoring Partnership - Mentoring program standard
Fifth Edition. Recommends check-ins at least monthly with each participant in the first year, and documenting every check-in. Supports the monthly coordinator check-ins.
- The Importance of a Mentor for New ConvertsNew Muslim education
WhyIslam (ICNA) - New Muslim support article
Article by Laura El Alam, 19 August 2020. Advises same-gender mentors for converts and warns against anyone grooming a new convert for marriage. An educational article, not a scholarly ruling.
- Vulnerable sector checksPublic safety information
Royal Canadian Mounted Police - Police record check information
Says a vulnerable sector check applies only to positions of trust or authority over children or vulnerable persons, and must be requested for a qualifying position. Whether adult convert mentoring qualifies is for a police service to advise.
- Police record checksPublic safety information
Government of Ontario - Police record check information
Explains Ontario's three types of police record check, what each discloses, and when a vulnerable sector check can be asked for.
- Report fraud and cybercrimePublic safety information
Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre - Fraud reporting information
Asks people to contact local police first, then report to the Centre by phone (1-888-495-8501) or online, with an anonymous option. Supports the scam reporting line on the Get help page.